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Mixed News: Health Update | 17 Aug 2018

Home / Milestones / Mixed News: Health Update | 17 Aug 2018

After a year of remarkable wellness I got my latest scan results this week. I am very relieved to report that my brain, which has been riddled with tumours three times in as many years, remains virtually clear (but for a tiny spot we have been monitoring for some time). There are no new tumours in any other parts of my body and I continue to feel very well indeed.

The ‘lifeshock’ on this occasion was hearing that the primary tumour in my lung has grown for the first time in nearly four years. This means the cancer is active again in that site and needs to be treated. Obviously, this is a concerning development. So much so I was instantly scheduled for several rounds of Cyber Knife Radiotherapy in early October when I return from a trip to the States, which is part business and part retreat. Biff the bugger. Well, burn it.  That’s the strategy. And stay on Osimertinib, which is keeping everything else stable.

Mostly I feel calm, though some anxiety inevitably ebbs and flows. But I am struck by two things in particular:

First, knowing that grief is held in the lungs – a revelation that profoundly changed my life when I was first diagnosed – it seems poignant that this growth has occurred since my darling Dad died five months ago. I miss him immensely. I miss his presence, the interest he took in my life, the pride he felt about the work I do, the love he embodied and even the frequent criticisms about what I could be doing better. For him, this was an expression of support (which took me a frickin long time to fathom!). I am writing this at an antique desk I inherited after he died and have many childhood memories of him working at it at our home in Wales. I have been incredibly busy this year, especially with the publication of my new book, which has left little time to feel this loss as it deserves to be felt. Fully and wholeheartedly. As such, I will give it room to breathe in the weeks ahead, especially when I am on retreat in New Mexico in September.

Second, I have been asking my oncologist to Cyber Knife my primary tumour for two years. Granted, the cancer cells are circulating in my blood, but it seems to me that eradicating the original site of this disease is a bloody good idea all round. It has now grown enough to justify doing this. I did a little jig in his office when he recommended the treatment and he laughed, saying, “I thought you would be pleased!” I really am. I keep hearing my darling mentor, Brad, saying, “Be very careful what you ask for, Sophie. You might get it.” Ha. Radiotherapy is no Mardi Gras, but I got what I asked for and will accept it in good grace.

IMG_8501_sq_Gabriella600Meantime, I am heading to Portugal with my family for two weeks armed with four books: Jane McLelland’s ‘How To Starve Cancer” (highly recommended), Steve Biddulph’s ‘Raising Girls’ (sorely needed!), Keith Stuart’s magical ‘Days of Wonder’ and my epically talented friend Chris Morgan Jones’ audacious thriller, ‘The Good Sister’ (because every holiday we need to fall into a couple of novels from which we can’t get up). He writes as Morgan Jones by the way. Buy it!

More important than any other news I have to share…my courageous Miss G has had her ears pierced (my bargaining chip when resisting pleas for a phone) and I braved Legoland with her in the summer holiday mayhem, which I rank among my highest achievements.

Inwards and onwards.

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Comments(26)

  • Véronique
    20th Aug 2018, 6:11 pm  Reply

    Dear Sophie. When you spoke about your lungs, I immediately thought about grief. I don’t know if our Belgian grief specialist Manu Keirse wrote in English, but his public speed he’s about Healing grief helped me a lot. Also Dutch Willem Glauderman has good books. Grieving about my suddenly deceased mum in 2010, I got great comfort from the book of Elisabeth Kubler Ross & Dr Hans Schilders book

  • Sheila Bull
    19th Aug 2018, 10:22 pm  Reply

    Sophie, you truly are an inspiration. Thank you x

  • Cathy McIntyre
    19th Aug 2018, 2:24 pm  Reply

    Hello Sophie and thanks once again for taking the time to update everyone. As always you remain an inspiration, so glad to hear that most of your health news was good and I hope that your holiday and retreat sustain you and prepare you for your next treatment and I wish you every success with this. Warm wishes to you and your family, hope you all have a lovely holiday in Portugal. Love Cathy xx

  • Sabrina
    18th Aug 2018, 6:31 pm  Reply

    Lovely to hear your news. Big love, great health and friendship to you, most wonderful Sophie. Keep doing what you’re doing xxxx

  • darren hazael
    18th Aug 2018, 5:27 pm  Reply

    Thank you thank you thank you…you continue to inspire and make me laugh too….’Inwards and onwards’ love it…wishing you the very best with your op and hope to see you somewhere along the line this side of the year..I really value your presence in my life. much love Darren

  • 18th Aug 2018, 5:07 pm  Reply

    When I read “Health- Mixed Results” – I felt my heart seize … caught in a push/pull. I wanted to know what was up with you, I didn’t want to know anything “bad.” As always, I’m very glad I read your post. You are inspiring, and “upper” in my life. I know what it’s like to grieve the death of a father – very special connection between father/daughter. I still miss my dad as well.

  • Benjamin
    18th Aug 2018, 2:50 pm  Reply

    You inspire me by your determination and ‘carpe diem’ mindset. Am glad you pursued your trip to Portugal with your family

  • Esther
    18th Aug 2018, 2:09 pm  Reply

    Thank you Sophie I love to read your news. You really inspire me, hope you have a lovely holiday. Love and best wishes xx

  • Val Turner
    18th Aug 2018, 2:03 pm  Reply

    Read you blog on a sorry for myself day and you pushed me out of it with your positive attitude. Thank you. Have a lovely holiday and some meaningful inner time with your grief. Your dad sounds very special. You were lucky and you need to grieve his physical loss at your own pace. Return refreshed and ready to continue your journey. Thank you for sharing that journey with others.

  • Christine Thornley
    18th Aug 2018, 1:21 pm  Reply

    Thank you for updating us all Sophie. So pleased that most of the news is good and my wish for you is that the ‘baddie’ gets blasted into oblivion with the treatment. Grieve for your beloved Dad, enjoy Portugal and your retreat in September. My thoughts are with you always.
    Much love

  • Jack Palma
    18th Aug 2018, 12:58 pm  Reply

    Dear Sophie,
    I hung on every word you wrote about your update. I could feel the same roller coaster of emotions I feel as I tend to my own life with cancer.
    As I step back, I again realize how profoundly grateful I am to have you show me how to be with what is. You remain so full of life, so authentic, and inspire me to live in a reality-based but not a fear-based way. Namaste

  • Linda Witherspoon
    18th Aug 2018, 12:36 pm  Reply

    Hi Dear Sophie, I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself, Micky and Minnie (my tumours) getting me down,!!although they are better. Have just read your inspirational blog, and u have made me feel so much more positive.

    God bless u and your family, have a wonderful break xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Simon
    18th Aug 2018, 10:31 am  Reply

    You continue to inspire me and remind me of of whats important. Thank you my friend.

  • Beth
    18th Aug 2018, 7:28 am  Reply

    I have been doing grief processes almost religiously lately I wake up every day with a thick chest and coughing… there is something there so I am going at it! Thank you for this work… and for your Inspiring journey. Have a beautiful time away in Portugal – resting, loving, healing.

  • John Coats
    18th Aug 2018, 1:59 am  Reply

    I’m glad you invited me into your life, Sophie. What’s next is what’s next, the revelation of an Intentionality we can only say yes to. That we can know that—know that—is a great blessing. I’m so looking forward to seeing you in New Mexico.

  • 18th Aug 2018, 1:41 am  Reply

    Dear Sophie, Your book Lifeshocks has blessed my life in countless ways. I’m sending everything I know to send to support your continuing reports from the field.

    With you in the Larger Body . . . . Peace and; every good to you.

  • Peggy
    17th Aug 2018, 10:00 pm  Reply

    You know, I and many others will stand with you in your grief. We will each bring our own, no doubt, my very, very dear friend.

  • Gabriella Sancisi
    17th Aug 2018, 8:43 pm  Reply

    You write so beautifully and are so wise. I hope your holiday leaves you refreshed and ready for cyber knife. And Miss G is delightful! Wishing you all the best.

  • 17th Aug 2018, 8:06 pm  Reply

    A terrific report Sophie……and congratulations for making Legoland which I went to with my great grandson last summer…..what sticks in my mind is that a kid threw up and the same sawdust stuff that the school janitors used in my youth is still the plan of attack…..keep blowing us all away, Julie and Howie Brundage

  • Rosemary Alder
    17th Aug 2018, 7:42 pm  Reply

    Dear Sophie, you continue to be such an inspiration! Thank you for sharing your news. I feel so sad about your dear Dad and more than cherish the wonderful memories of joining your parents for their 50th wedding anniversary in Puerto Escondido. Do I have your e-mail address, I wonder? Would love to send you some of the fab. Photos I took at that time. Love the desk! Enjoy your retreat in NM.

  • Anna B Sexton
    17th Aug 2018, 7:22 pm  Reply

    As always you have my love support and unwaveringNess in being with you, for you on your journey xx all being as Life leads us I’ll see you very soon in Manchester xx go well on your travels inward, outwards and onwards xx

  • Janey McCall
    17th Aug 2018, 7:16 pm  Reply

    Dear Sophie , just read your blog from a sunny beachside sunbed in Mexico xx I’m sending love strength and resilience lovely lady xx

  • Janey McCall
    17th Aug 2018, 7:16 pm  Reply

    Dear Sophie , just read your blog from a sunny beachside sunbed in Mexico xx I’m sending love strength and resilience lovely lady xx

  • Gill H
    17th Aug 2018, 6:27 pm  Reply

    Dear Sophie. Mixed news indeed but I think there is more good than bad there. At least they are going to deal wirh the little blighter! Have a lovely break in Portugal. We go there on Wednesday. Be funny if we’re on the same flight. Take some time to remember your dear dad properly and all that he meant to you.xxxx

  • 17th Aug 2018, 6:24 pm  Reply

    You tell it well Sophie.
    I can see a wry smile on your Doctor’s face as you do your jig. I can also ‘feel’ the gratitude you felt even amidst the terror of Legoland (I’m talking about the crowds, not the rides). You don’t mention it but I’m sure it was there.
    Just like some people say Jesús died for us all you are staying alive for us all.
    It’s the good news.

  • susie
    17th Aug 2018, 6:17 pm  Reply

    I am ‘really no words’ super happy to join in your happiness and health. Inwards and upwards!

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